brownies.

my poor baby sarahG is sick, physically and emotionally. i made her brownies, since brownies make everything better. even if it is just a little bit. im nervous, for the days passing hopeing these thoughts wont haunt my head.
i wish i never knew what happiness was, that was the highest point of my life it was like heaven. and now im on earth, i have been to hell many times but not right now, im not white im not black im gray. always gray, often i'm a dark shade of gray.
i am so lonely, so sad, and so depressed of happiness. i just want to escape this emptiness that will never be filled. i am so depressed.
i am never trully happy, those smiles are forced so i can survive the day. i care so much for those around, they dont deserve pain, i dont want them to suffer. i dont want this too suffer at all.
sarah is sad, this makes me so sad. i love her so much, and she doesnt deserve the misery she is stuggling through. maygay. i care for her so much, its because she is so sad at times. she is always gray and i will try my best to make her smile. even if it only for seconds, i know she is feeling a little bit better. ivan, why is james pulling you down i care so deeply for you & it hurts me so much to see someone in that much pain.
life a rollercoaster, and everyday is a windey road. my rollercoaster has the niggest ups and down.
everything will pass, this great sorrow will past. but i'll never be compeletly at peace since those images and words haunt me everyday.
its hard living on knowing no one truly cares about you. but know that i really do care about you, sarah, megan, & ivan. please loose faith in my love i have for you.