how high

ivan was suppose to come over in the morning. and i was hoping that he would come early like he used to and snuggle in bed with me. i woke up around 11 and i was still alone, i texted him and he didnt replay, i called him he didnt replay. and then i called his house. yoni picked up and i asked to speak with ivan and he gave the phone to ivan. he wasnt all thrilled to talk to me. i asked him when he was going to come over. and he said soon, we hang up. and soon after he textes me my dad took my car. he doesnt talk to me for an hour & a half. i finially after many times of trying to contact him he answers and says hes in the car with his mother going to buy a coat. he says he will come bye in a hour & a half.
im so sad. i dont understand how when he is in front of me he would say how much he cares about me, and when i try to talk to him by text & phone he wouldnt respond or talk to me at all. im so sad.
i blame myself for being so needy of attention. i am just so used to being ignored. but with him i want him to notice me. i am so heart broken. i dont want to do anything i just want to sit. im so sad. i dont know what to do. i feel so useless. i am so sad. & i wont complain to anyone. i dont want bother anyone. so i wont tell anyone. since i talk to much about nothing.
its nice pretending to know that people care. they say they do all the time but their action dont express what the words they say. i am so sad. & i try my best to hide it & to fake the laughter throughout the day. no one will know. i dont even know.